Message to the universe.

Asking the universe for favours doesn't come easily to me. I don't like thinking that my "problems" are any worse than anyone else's. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to ask for things, especially because I feel very fortunate. I look around and I see suffering, sickness, and fear (especially with the shit going on around the world right now). It's heart wrenching.

I remember being a kid and not having any clue about how much suffering there was. So oblivious to war, sickness, fear, terror. As I grew older, started seeing things for what they really were and I was all of a sudden so aware of what was going on. Honestly, I think that's part of the reason why I never wanted children. I couldn't even fathom dealing with my own anxiety and (numerous) fears, I wouldn't be capable of helping my child too.

I have always loved animals though. I've always wanted to be a pet parent, and I've wanted to help as many of these selfless creatures and love them unconditionally.

My current fur-baby/child is 14 years old. She's got some health issues , and is slowing down. She wasn't moving well yesterday and I had to carry her around to eat and go to the litter box. Of course I had a full meltdown. Is this it? is she hurting? is she trying to tell me something? My experience with cancer has taught me that you cannot be selfish in these situations. You have to do what's right for your loved one or child, no matter how devastating it is for you. With a human, they can sometimes communicate what it is they need or wish, with an animal, you don't have that opportunity, which makes it so much harder.

I asked the universe last night to help me get clarity, give me the strength, and the sign to help me help her and do right by her. What does she want? I feel selfish asking the universe for this small thing (seems so small compared to what's going on in the world). I want to believe (and hope) that my heart will listen to hers, no matter what the outcome. For now, I will continue to stay positive, and do whatever it takes to make her feel comfortable and loved.