A letter to you.

I've said this before. It's a shitty club that you would never want to belong to. I'm sorry you've had no choice but to become a member. I wish I could reject you, or turn you away, but I can't. All I can do is watch the people I care about go though this, and reassure them that they will come out on the other side. Know that I am thinking about you every day, and pray for you when I go to sleep each night. I know you must be so overwhelmed, even by people with the very best intentions wanting to "help", can be overwhelming. I love the idea of the chat group you created, where you can update friends and family when YOU want to, and no one can comment on these posts. I think this is super smart, and it keeps you from having to update every person individually.  I think it's similar to what I did with this blog- only my friends and family know who I am, and what my wishes were at the time of my treatment - proud of you for being clear about your wishes. Remember that you don't have to thank everyone for everything. My therapist used to say "it's not a wedding", you don't have to thank everyone. People do things for you because they want to help, not because they want acknowledgement or thanks. There you go, I just saved you $175 in therapy (my gift to you! LOL). Anyways, I know you know I am here for you always. Any questions, recommendations, or just if you want to talk about nothing and laugh a little. It's going to be a really shitty year, but when you get through it, the intensity and memory of it will start to fade in time. It doesn't feel like it now, but it will. You got this! We are all rooting for you. Sending my love as always.