Defeated.

I was listening to this podcast by Mel Robbins, which a friend told me about. I would highly recommend giving it a listen. There is an episode about a journaling exercise (sounds corny, but it's not), and how you write down memories of when you were your happiest. I consider myself a very happy person overall, but a lot of my happiness is related to how I feel about my career, and the overall sense that I am adding value in some significant way.

A lot of items that I put on my "when I was happy" list made me feel like my confidence has taken a huge hit over the past year. My current job, which I was so excited to start and to create something meaningful and impactful, isn't giving me that "feeling". I don't know how I fit in, if they like me, if they think I am doing anything useful at all. I feel like I'm just "there" taking up space.

I am an Executive Assistant, and I really don't know if people really understand what I do. I am more than just someone who greets guests, sets up meeting rooms, gets coffee, but I feel like that's all I've been doing lately. Just a body running around. I don't have a lot of time to do the meaningful work that I thought I would be doing. It seems like I'm always doing something wrong, making mistakes, or disappointing people. I can never do anything right, it seems. I feel defeated.

My confidence level is at an all-time low. I don't know how to come out of this. Will more time in this role help? Is it just "growing pains" and getting to know the people over time? Am I doomed? Is this not the right fit? Will anyone truly accept me for who I am?

I wish there was a therapist just for this line of work...it's a lot more difficult than people think. I am passionate about it. I am not the person who wants to move on to something else. I love being an assistant...well, I used to. I hope to come out of this one day.