Becoming "me".

Not sure if I'm having a mid-life crisis, or if I'm getting to the point in my life where I'm over trying to be someone I'm not. Doing things I "should" be doing (or not doing), and trying to "make things work" at all costs. What is that cost worth?

I think it really started to sink in when my treatments were finished. Like, what am I going to do with the life I have left? How can I try to be by best self, for myself...and not live life in my own shadow from the before times. I was at 150% before, and I'm trying to get back to that feeling of nailing life. That's when I was thriving. I travelled with my friends, my partner, went out and socialized, killed it at work (and everyone adored and appreciated me). I had freedom, and a sense of "I got this".

Now that I don't have that feeling, I'm trying to find my way back to it. I know I'll be forever changed by this shitty "blip" in my life, but for the love of god, I just want to take life by the balls and nail whatever life I have left.

So many people have kids to focus on. I don't have that. My career is my focus and I'm just so proud of how good I am at it, and it just makes me feel so fulfilled. Let's be honest, I'm not curing cancer here, my title is not prestigious or anything, but I love it.

My dearest friend, sent me a book. Yes, a physical paper book (which I haven't touched in years thanks to my Kindle). It's called "Becoming you", by Suzy Welsh. It's really helping me find out how to thrive in my life again, Using this book, I'm learning what my values are, and trying to find an environment that fits best for me. Helping me make decisions internally, and doing what's best for me (for once). My life coach has changed my life and helped me see that I can (and will) find the right opportunities to fuel my soul.

Anyways, I just want you to know that I'm working on it. Hope to have a positive update soon.